It’s definitely time to pack up and move out of your box when a friendship starts to feel uncomfortable and when you have more faith and trust in 3 day old sushi.
I’ve had more ebb and flows in my friendships this year than at any other point in my life that I can recall.
This raging pandemic has brought about stressful and challenging scenarios for some of us. It’s an emotional time, it’s overwhelming, it’s exhausting and we are socially distanced so most of us are clinging on to being more emotionally and mentally united even at a distance.
We want to be able to go into our box of friendships and pull out who we need, when we need them. As callous as it sounds, I believe that most of us subconsciously categorize our friends and mentally organize them by what role they play, depending on how we view their impact on our lives.
You may not be the friend that gets called when someone has parenting issues because your own children behave like the spawn of Satan. No, you won’t be pulled out of that box to go out for drinks and dancing all night long if the only shots you want to hear about are on a tv marathon of murder mysteries.
For me, beyond my family, I am grateful to have friends who there when I need a Herculean pick me up. These friends provide one or more of the following things, spiritual guidance, a never ending well of sensible advice. They listen to hear not to speak. They smell of optimism and can flow in and out of my life selflessly and in a meaningful and genuine way. always cheering me on. And I try to do the same.
I’m not sure that many people ever verbalized a friend’s standing in their box. But if you’re wondering about your own standing in someone’s life, pay attention, it’s mostly in their actions, and subtleties of things left unsaid. Chances are, if you’re the first to be called about advice on a new potential love interest, give yourselves kudos for having set a great example of having healthy relationships. But be open to the fact that you may hear about a party the day after because you are always a no show when invited.
The cautionary tale in all of this is that this can bring about heartache. We have to acknowledging our standing in someone’s else's life and sometimes have to accept that our box is small and maybe even inconsequential. Our desire to spread ourselves in someone’s life may not be welcome. What you may want to give is not what they may want or need from you. The real estate of their box you want to occupy may not be available. In that case as in most, acceptance of that knowledge is key. You may want to use that key to unlock yourself out of that box. What you do with that knowledge is your choice.
Having a variety of friends is a important as the makeup of a complete bento meal. It includes a carefully packed variety of tastes, textures and food groups. The Japanese fill a bento box in the most efficient and nutritious way.
There is no recipe for this.
A traditional bento box typically has a meat or fish item, some form of pickled vegetable(s) and rice.
In this box, there is room to be creative.
For this I pickled cremini mushrooms.
Pan fried sake, soy and brown sugar marinated cod
Tomato chives
Quick pickled carrots
Mirin dipped soft boiled egg
Experiment with it! Figure out what box ingredients work for you!